A Knights Tale
by The Cold
Summary: It was just a normal night of helping stranded witches or wizards, or so it seemed... Uh oh. You remember Stan and Ernie from the Knight Bus, right? Don’t you?


ARG! NO! I had this whole thing written and I was just about to save it, when my computer decides to screw up! *sobs* I knew I shouldn't have used that stupid old computer to type it!  
As far as I can remember, Ernie didn't speak with an accent like Stan's. But then again, I don't remember Ernie speaking that much... Anytime Stan talks, I try to use the accent, although this will make it a little difficult to read.  
If I owned them, I wouldn't be sitting around in this dump.  
  
  
"Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. Just stick out your wand hand, step on board and we can take you anywhere you want to..." Stan Shunpike paused as he glanced around. There didn't seem to be any stranded witches or wizards. In fact, there didn't seem to be anybody! Slamming the doors shut with a sigh, he turned and flopped down in the armchair next to Ernie Prang's.   
"Who was that?" Ernie asked, as the bus lurched forward.  
"Jus' some o' dem kids foolin' 'round 'gain. Third time t'day..." Stan grumbled.   
"Silly gaffers, making the bus stop unnecessarily..." scoffed Ernie, nearly running over a barn.  
"Not like 'Arry Potter! 'E woz such a nice kid. Didcha know 'e woz on the bus? 'E woz! 'Member dat, Ern? 'Arry Potter! He sat in that there bed, an'..."  
"Ya, I know, Stan."  
"...The same 'Arry Potter that defeated You-Know-'Oo twice! No... three times! When 'e woz jus' a lil' kiddy, when You-Know-'Oo killed 'is parents..."  
"Dun go talking about that, Stan. Brings a tear to my eye..." Ernie sniffled slightly, and Stan patted him on the back.  
" 'Salright, Ern."   
There was a frantic beeping from a small screen in the front, and within seconds the Knight Bus was off to help those in need.  
  
"Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded..." again, there were no stranded witches or wizards. Stan growled and slammed the doors so hard they nearly fell off.   
"I'm sick 'o dem kids, wavin' us down den runnin' away! There should be a fine, or some'm!" Stan stalked over to his armchair and sat down heavily. Ernie snickered.  
"What 'choo laughin' 'bout?" demanded Stan.  
"You're never riled up about anything, and now you're steaming mad about some silly kids." Ernie chuckled.  
"If we're waved down by jus' one more kid playin' a practical, joke, I'll..." the screen began beeping.  
"Well, Stan, you're going to have to show me what you're going to do, we're being called somewhere near Hogwarts!"  
  
The Knight Bus screeched to a halt just outside the Forbidden Forest, causing many trees to jump out of the way.   
The doors flew open and Stan hopped out, looking ready to foam at the mouth.  
"Show yourself!" he roared, furiously looking around.  
"Now now, there's no need to be rude!" scolded a plump little witch. Stan immediately stood up straight and adjusted his hat.  
"W-welcome to the, err..."   
"There's no need to give a speech, sonny! Now, load my things onto the bus and off we go!" said the witch, motioning to a large pile of luggage behind here.  
"Where to?" Stan asked, still trying to get his hat straight.  
"Well, there's no place particular I'd like to go, but I have relatives in Manchester so I should like to go there."  
"That would be eleven sic..." before Stan could even finish his sentence, the witch shoved the money into his hand and pushed onto the bus.  
  
Although Stan had quite a hard time lifting all the witch's bags onto the bus by himself, he managed and the Knight bus was off towards Manchester.  
The witch, who had identified herself as Mrs. Marie Braeden, was going on and on about her seven grandchildren, and frankly, Ernie was having quite a hard time concentrating on driving.  
"...And then there's Frank, my oldest grandchild. He's seventeen, almost a man! I'm sure that..."  
"Look, I don't really care about Frank, or Ace, or what's-his-face! I'm trying to drive and you wont shut up! I'm not surprised if we're going the wrong way! Now shut up, will you!?" snapped Ernie. Stan starred at him like he had grown a third arm.  
Mrs. Braeden puffed up like a balloon, glaring at Ernie.  
"You will never insult my grandchildren!" she roared. The bus seemed to be turning red, or maybe it was turning into something red. Yes, that was what was happening, because then next thing anyone knew the bus was gone, and Ernie and Stan found themselves sitting on the ground outside a cave.  
"What happened? Where are we?" Ernie asked, glancing around with a puzzled look on his face.  
"I dunno. Check that," Stan motioned to a scroll laying at Ernie's feet. Ernie grabbed it and opened it up.  
"It says,  
'In a lot of fairy tales, knights have to save princesses from fire-breathing dragons so that they may have her hand in marriage. Save the princess and win your freedom (and bus driving licenses) or be forced to wander this fairy tale world FOREVER!  
Sincerely,  
M. Braeden'  
PS: Don't insult my grandchildren.'"  
It took a moment for this to register in their minds.   
"A dragon?!" yelped Ernie.  
"A princess," sighed Stan.  
"Stan! So you have any idea what this means?! We have to fight a dragon! A giant, fire-breathing dragon!" Ernie cried.  
"For the princess!!"  
"No, for our freedom! We could be scorched! We can't fight a dragon! We don't have armor, or weapons, or anything! We are most likely going to DIE!"  
"For the princess!!" Stan repeated.   
  
Eventually giving up on getting through to Stan, Ernie suggested that they find a town and get dragon-fighting aid. We now find our hopefully-soon-to-be heroes inquiring about armor and weapons at a local dragon-fighting-supplies store.  
"How may I help you?" the rather happy looking man behind the counter asked, tilting his head to the side.  
"We were wonderin' 'bout fightin' dragons, cause we gotta save a princess from one."   
Within seconds, the shop had filled up with many locals, all dressed in medieval clothes and whispering loudly.  
"They're going to fight the dragon?"   
"The princess will finally be rescued?"  
A guy dressed mostly in green pushed to the front of the crowd. He seemed to have some importance in the town, because as soon as he began speaking the crowd stopped talking.  
"You wish to fight the dragon?" he asked in a rather annoying tone, "the same dragon that has kidnapped the princess and destroyed all of our crops? Do you wish to take the princess' hand in marriage?"  
"No, we just want to go back to driving the Knight Bus," uttered Ernie.  
"I'll take the princess though," Stan hinted.  
"We must tell the king!" squeaked a lady somewhere in the crowd. And with that, Ernie and Stan were whisked out of the shop and down the street.  
  
After being shoved down a couple of streets, down a long path, and up a hill, our hopefully-soon-to-be heroes found themselves faced with a giant castle (that slightly resembled Hogwarts) made of stone.  
"Ern, I tink somn' important's 'bout to happen!" Stan whispered. Ernie only sighed.  
There was a blasting sound of trumpets, follow by a small man scurrying out from the castle. He held up a scroll and the bottom dropped, rolling across the ground a few feet.  
"And now, I present to you our King and friend, King Toast!" Stan snickered slightly at this.   
There was another blast of trumpets, and a rather short man elegantly strode out of the castle. The sound of applause filled the air.  
When the noise had died down, King Toast spoke.   
"I, King Toast, have been inform that you wish to save my daughter, Princess Bacon (-Stan snickered again at this-) from the fire-breathing dragon that has held her captive for many years. What ever could suddenly persuaded you to take on suck a task?"   
"Freedom!" Ernie announced.  
"The prin-" a sharp elbow in the ribs told Stan he should probably shut up.  
"You do not wish to marry the princess?" Ernie shook his head and Stan kept his mouth shut.  
"You are very noble," King Toast droned, sounding more than a little less interested, "slaying the dragon so that the crops may thrive and the children may live. Have them fitted with armor."  
King Toast waved his hand while striding back into the castle. A small group of servants scuttled up to Stan and Ernie, armed with measuring cord and safety pins.  
  
Let me tell you, Ernie and Stan were quite terrified when they found out the had to fight a fire-breathing dragon, and hearing that this dragon killed children didn't really help them much. But nothing, I tell you, nothing could be more terrifying than the servants with measuring cord. Their expressions didn't change at all when they talked (which was rarely) and their expressions just happened to consisted of wide eyes, lowered eyebrows, and thin mouths. Terrifying just to read about them isn't it? These servants could very well pass as Dementors.   
Now Ernie and Stan clanked down the path in their newly fitted armor, trying to get the servants out of their heads. Not an easy task, it was like trying to get a Mexican jumping bean to go to sit still; you just couldn't.   
"Know wot, Ern? I tink I'm gonna be happy to see the dragon, might scare 'way the nasty images in my 'ead."   
"Amen to that," murmured Ernie, "and I think we're getting close to the dragons cave."  
"Wot makes you tink that?" Stan asked, trying to itch his nose. But you see, I don't think it's possible when you have armor covering your face.  
"Well, those I guess," Ernie said with a shrug, motioning to signs that read 'turn back now!' and 'trespassers will be BARBECUED!' or 'No milk today.'  
Although the dragon was now more frightening than it had been, our hopefully-soon-to-be heroes continued on. The walked and they walked, and then they walked a little more, until finally they spotted the mountain. It was a great mountain, with it's tree covered sides and top just visible in the clouds. But the thing that really made it great were the rainbow-colored neon lights surrounding a small cave.  
"We're here," Ernie announced, as if it were the least obvious thing in the world.  
"Time to save the... winn our freedom!" Stan cried, beginning to walk a little faster.  
Our hopefully-soon-to... aww heck, our heroes clanked down the dirt path towards the neon lights. Their fate awaited them: would they win their freedom? Or would they die trying? Either way it was quite nerve-racking.   
Finally, the moment they had been waiting for arrived. They stood just outside the cave, squinting as they looked at the lights.   
In an instant, both Stan and Ernie had charged into the cave. The next moment they wished they hadn't.   
A huge, black dragon with smoke drifting out from it's nostrils loomed over them. Behind it was a large fire, and, of course, the princess. Stan tried to get a look at the her, but the dragon stood in his way.   
"Prepare to meet your doom!" Ernie yelled, trying to sound brave as he pulled out his sword and pointed it at the dragons neck. Might I add that this dragon was wearing a little name-tag that said 'Hello my name is NORBERT.' Most would expect the dragon to scorch Ernie, but he didn't. Instead, Norbert snorted, coughed, and retreated to the back of his cave. The poor guy had a cold.  
"Hurrah!" yelled Stan, as he bounced towards the princess. But his bouncing was cut short, for a think red smoke filled the cave. Through the smoke, a face that looked suspiciously like You-Know-Who's appeared.  
"You may have won this time..." it said in a deep voice, "... but next time, you wont be so lucky!" the face began to fade away for a minute, but it quickly reappeared.  
"Don't insult my grandchildren." There was a pop! and Ernie and Stan found themselves behind the wheel of the Knight Bus  
A moments pause, and then...  
"The princess!" wailed Stan, burying his face in his hands. Ernie patted him on the back.  
"Don't worry, Stan. I could always insult Mrs. Braeden again when she leaves." This seemed to cheer Stan up, and the Knight Bus continued on through the night, aiding stranded witches and wizards, or maybe just taking them to an island in the sun.   
  
  
Whew! Finished! Better save it before it deletes again... I apologize for any grammar/spelling mistakes. I was to lazy to read over this more than once.  
I have a really bad feeling that this isn't going to get any reviews. Blerg.  
"If I lived in the wizarding world, I'd open up a dark magic shop and call it 'Voldemart!'" -me. Now the Voldemart has a cafe at the back called 'Tom Riddle's.' Great, isn't it? 


End file.
